Pew! Pew! - Bad versus Worse Read online

  The world around her swirled into the size of a pinhole and everything disappeared. Then she saw her life as it was in the past, as it had been since Kirian saved her, and then she saw another life. She was well, known. She was sitting, sipping coffee in a very fancy cup on a very fancy table surrounded by servants, scowling and reading a story about herself in the newspaper. Her hair was shorter, her clothes were expensive, and she was preparing a statement for the press in her mind. She could almost make out the other Ari’s thoughts when the swirl of the world around her came crashing in.

  She lost her balance and Ray caught her.

  “Whoa there,” he said, “that’s about enough of that.” He leaned in. “Tell me, what did you see?”

  “What was in that drink you gave me, Ray?” The last thing she remembered before the swirl was standing there with the glass in her hand, but now it was on the floor and Ray’s minions were cleaning up the mess.

  Ray shook his head. “It wasn’t the alcohol, Ari. You know that. Now tell me what you saw.”

  “Fine. It was like you said, it was everything I ever wanted. Everything around me was expensive and I think there were servants and great food and drinks, and I was reading an article about myself in the newspaper. I could almost make it out.”

  Ray smiled down at her. “See? Now do you believe?”

  “It was incredible, Ray. I’m so sorry I ever doubted you. I never knew that machine was so powerful.”

  “Don’t be so sorry,” Ray laughed. “It really is just a halo dice machine. How gullible are you?” He strode off toward his private end of the building.

  “What?” Ari yelled after him. “It really is magic? You know I hate it when you pretend to be fake.”

  Ray continued down the hallway and she chased after him.

  “Ray, are you listening to me?”

  ***

  “Fine,” yelled Soda to Kirian. “Stop waving that sword at my tentacles and I promise I won’t warp.”

  A burst of heat and flame reached the console. Both Kirian and Soda turned to see that Drexyl was losing the fight with the dragon.

  Kirian left the console to go help him.

  A razor-sharp claw reached out and grabbed Drexyl. He dropped to his knees.

  Kirian charged and brought her steel sword around across its neck in a move that should have decapitated it, but the sword only bounced off of the thick hide. It did let go of Drexyl, though.

  “Do you really want to know how I found out about your street-fight-in-space with the rogue Staar bounty hunter?” Floyd asked.

  Soda turned from the dragon and Kirian and Drexyl back to the screen when she heard his voice. Then she realized she had forgotten entirely about the vlog. This wasn’t going well at all. She looked down at a string of dozens of vlog questions.

  “Hold on, vlog people,” she said, “I’ll be with you in a minute.” Hopefully.

  “And yes,” Soda said, answering Floyd. “I’ll bite. I do want to know how you knew that. Nobody knows that.” Then it hit her. “Oh yeah, your minion Kracken told you.” She smacked her forehead with a tentacle.

  “Yes, boys and girls,” Floyd said, talking to her vlog, “my minion told me how the whole thing went down, details of the ship and the crew. That, I believe, is the planning thing you were talking about. And do I have a plan for you.”

  “Do tell,” Soda deadpanned.

  “Prepare to die,” he said.

  Soda sighed heavily. Why me? “How many times do I have to go over this with you? Read my lips, you stupid bug, I’m immortal. Immortal, immortal, immortal. What about that aren’t you getting?”

  “I was talking to them,” Floyd said, pointing to Drexyl and Kirian. “Kracken told me all about that last encounter, how it took every one of you to survive, and it got me thinking. Just kill them.”

  “Then what?” Soda asked.

  The wicked grin came back. “Then, you don’t have a choice. The ship blows up and you turn all Space Kracken, floating around alone in space for the Holidays. Are you dead? No. But it’ll still make my Holiday more joyous to ruin yours.” He turned to a minion. “Prepare to fire on the ship.”

  A new blast of heat and flame rocked the inside of the ship.

  “Don’t think we didn’t just hear all of that, Soda,” Kirian said, continuing to fight the dragon and bob and weave. She was taking the brunt of the fight now, since Drexyl was injured. “I really wish Ari were here.”

  Me too, thought Soda. Then she hated herself.

  “I’ll make it sporting. You have twenty seconds,” Floyd said calmly, inspecting a fingernail and humming a holiday tune.

  A thud sounded behind Soda and she turned in time to see that the dragon had knocked Kirian down. She started to roll away as fast as she could, but that beady eyed dragon had a very good angle on her. She was rolling toward a wall and there was nowhere else for her to go. It lowered its head at her and drew in a deep breath.

  Soda turned back to the window above the console to look at the ship that lurked there about to blow them to smithereens. Then she made a decision.

  Chapter 9

  “Hey, where are you going?” Ari asked, finally catching up to him.

  “I have something for you,” he answered.

  Ari stopped. “What? You bought me a present? But I don’t have anything for you. I mean, I’m so sorry, but I never expected—”

  “Please stop all of that,” Ray said, “I’m begging you. Why do you have to make everything awkward? Honestly, it’s something I’ve been meaning to give you for quite a while, so if it helps to not think of it as an unexpected Holiday present, then please do that.”

  Ari had no response to all of that, all she could do at this point was tag along. Ray led her back to the Staar chart room, as she suspected. She had only been in the room once and it had been a very strange and life altering experience, which was basically how things went when she came to visit him, so why should the Holidays be any different?

  Ray threw open the plain looking door that held the extraordinary room. Inside, it was beautifully decorated and yet also looked lived in. It was plain to see that he spent a good amount of time here. There were bookshelves lining the walls and an ornate wooden dresser that Ari knew contained the Staar chart communications that only she could read because she happened to be part Staar.

  “Is my present one of the Staar charts?” Ari asked.

  “No, but that’s a good guess. This room holds a lot more secrets than the few that I showed you last time.”

  Ari was obviously trying and failing to mask her excitement.

  He looked at her and grinned.

  “Fine,” she said. “I’m very, very curious as to what it is. Are you happy?”

  “Yes,” he said, and with a flourish of robes, he went into a closet in the back of the room. He began rummaging around for something. Ari came up behind him.

  “Back off, Ari, or I’ll make you wait in the hallway. Not all of this stuff is for you to see.”

  Ari took a few steps back and looked around, trying not to stare at Ray. She went to the dresser that held the Staar charts. On top of the dresser were a bunch of tiny figurines that she hadn’t noticed when she was here the last time. There was a dragon, and an octopus, and what looked like a wolf, among others.

  “Hey,” Ari said, “I love these little figurines that you have.” She reached out her hand.

  “Don’t. Touch. Those,” Ray said.

  Ari turned toward him, and discovered that he was out of the closet now and staring at her. He had a very old and worn box in his hand.

  “What?” she asked. “I really do like these little figurines. Why can’t I touch them?”

  “Why can’t you touch them? They have magical spells woven into them. Magic that’s every bit as powerful as the magic that made Soda immortal.”

  “Sort of.”

  “What?” he asked.

  “Well, she’s sort of immortal, because of the magic. I’m pretty sure that�
��s what we landed on. There’s been a lot of debate on the subject.” She pointed at the object in Ray’s hand. “Oh, is that mine?” She tried to mask her disappointment with the old, tattered, cardboard box it was in.

  “Yes, this is the present that I’m giving to you,” he said. “For the Holidays.”

  “Hey, you said you weren’t going to call it that.”

  “That was before you came in here trying to touch everything. Sit, please.” He indicated the chair she sat in last time. There were only two chairs in the room, and he grabbed the other one and brought it close.

  “Now I want you to listen to me carefully,” he said. “What’s in this box is also magic. And it’s powerful. And it’s the kind of magic that can only be worked if you happen to be part Staar.” He opened the box. Inside was a beautiful, gold, wraparound dragon ring. The body was the ring part that wrapped several times around a finger. The head had what looked like Onyx eyes and a red mouth, and the tail looked like it would snake around on top of the hand.

  Ari stared down at the piece of jewelry and wanted it more than anything she had ever seen. It held a weird emotional pull for her. She wanted it, and yet it felt strange that she had such a strong emotional connection to it already. She stopped herself and looked up at Ray.

  “Ray, is this like the ring of power or something? Am I going to have to go to Mordor or turn into Smeagle or change into a bunny?”

  “No, no, and maybe.”

  Ari rolled her eyes at him. “I’m going to turn into a bunny?”

  “No, you’re obviously not going to turn into a bunny. And yes, the ring has tremendous power. It was meant to be wielded by you. Or at least you’re literally the only one that I know of in this galaxy that actually can wield it. And therefore, the wearing and the wielding may, in fact, change you, hypothetically into something you haven’t been before. But it won’t change you into something that you’re not. Does that make any sense?”

  “Believe it or not, yes it does. You’re saying that it’s very powerful and will change me, but not into something that I was never meant to be.”

  Ray brightened. “Exactly. I knew you’d understand. The question is, are you ready for real change?”

  “Yes,” Ari said.

  “Great,” Ray said, and pulled out an expensive looking fountain pen and paper from a nearby desk.

  Ari was aware of the fluttering of papers, but she couldn’t take her eyes off of the ring. “What are the papers for?” she asked, more because she wondered when he was going to hand her the ring than her curiosity in the papers.

  “Contract.”

  Now she was interested.

  “What contract?”

  “You gotta sign for the ring, and then hold me utterly blameless, legally speaking, for anything that happens after you put it on.”

  “You’re kidding me,” Ari said.

  He raised an eyebrow at her and handed her the pen and paper.

  Ari knew that all of this should give her pause. She took a minute to think about it, but the pull of the ring and of the piece of her ancestry that she knew nothing about was too much. She signed the contract.

  He handed her the box.

  “I don’t know, Ray, it looks a little big.”

  “Don’t worry,” he said, “once you put it on, it’ll adjust to your hand.”

  She pulled out the ring and placed it on her left index finger. The minute it touched her hand, Ari felt a jolt, like electricity. It molded itself around her finger just like Ray said it would, as she watched in amazement. Once it was on, the world seemed to go back to normal.

  “Thanks, Ray,” Ari said, admiring it. “I can honestly say it’s the best gift I’ve ever received. When does everything change, though?”

  “I have absolutely no idea,” he answered. “But happy holidays and best of luck with it. Hey, where’s Fleek?”

  “I don’t know,” Ari said. “Why does he always go missing every time we come here?”

  It didn’t take long to find him, though, and then they were off back to his ship and Kirian, Drexyl, and Soda.

  Chapter 10

  Soda grabbed Kirian by the ankle and pulled her across the room to the console. The heat blast was still nearly unbearable, and she wrapped a tentacle around her own face for a moment to shield herself from it.

  The dragon looked up after the blast and roared in anger.

  Soda tapped instructions to vlog people frantically on her computer and then looked down at Kirian, who along with Drexyl was staring at her like she had just morphed into the tooth fairy.

  “You saved me,” Kirian said.

  “Don’t get used to it,” Soda answered. “Okay, you two deal with the dragon. I’m going to take care of that ship.”

  “Ten seconds,” Floyd said.

  Soda closed her eyes. To Drexyl and Kirian it looked like she disappeared. What she actually did was astrally project herself onto the enemy ship. She looked around. Drat. It would have been nice if Preying Mantix had been here since I need somebody to strangle.

  She grabbed the captain instead, wrapped a tentacle around his neck and squeezed. She instantly felt better. In fact, it felt like most of the Galatic Board meetings she had been to. He was like her own little stress ball.

  “You. Turn off that timer,” she told him.

  He shook his head no.

  “Wrong answer,” she said. The minions on the ship were now running to get weapons. The last thing they expected was to get boarded by an angry Neon Octopus. “Fine, who’s the second in command? I’ll work with him.”

  She loosened her grip on her stress ball and as expected, he spoke, “I’ll do it.”

  She released him. He ran to the console and turned off the timer.

  “Now take back your dragon.”

  “I can’t,” he said, “do you have any idea how much damage that thing can do to the inside of a ship?”

  “Do it now.”

  The captain nodded, and an underling began typing in coordinates to get the dragon back.

  “Fire at this ship, Kirian,” Soda said into her own communicator.

  “Not with you on it,” Kirian answered.

  An angry Floyd appeared on the console. “What are you idiots doing? Fire on Soda’s ship. Send the dragon back. I will personally eat each and every one of you for this.”

  “Listen up, Floyd, I have one more thing to teach you. This goes for you vlog viewers too. There is one thing you absolutely must know about this Galaxy. Good help is nearly impossible to find.”

  “Now, Kirian, go ahead and fire.”

  “Not going to happen. Come back first.”

  “See what I mean?” Soda said into her communicator, exasperated. “Nobody listens to orders anymore.”

  And then she projected herself back onto the ship with Kirian and Drexyl.

  ***

  Soda reappeared. A second later, Kirian sent every weapon in Fleek’s ship after the enemy, which annoyingly warped away before being destroyed.

  “Why wouldn’t you fire on the ship?” she asked Kirian.

  “You saved me. I wasn’t going to blast you.”

  “Silly girl, I can survive in deep space, remember?”

  “After being blown to bits?” Kirian asked.

  “Immortal,” Soda sing-songed back to her.

  “Fine,” said Kirian, “but it would have probably at least hurt a little if the ship had been destroyed while you were on it, right?”

  “Fine,” Soda said. “Yes, it would have probably hurt. And thank you.”

  Ari and Fleek rematerialized.

  Ari looked around and saw Drexyl bandaging his wounds and Soda and Kirian talking. “Hi,” she said, “what did I miss?”

  “Oh nothing,” Kirian said. “How did it go?”

  “It was fun,” she answered. “You know, show business and all. Are you guys ready for the Holiday meal?”

  “Let’s eat,” Fleek said, “I’m starving.”

  Soda got up to join
them in the galley. Floyd’s words had hit her hard. The whole idea of floating around space by herself. She would have actually missed these people had he blown them to smithereens. How strange. Then she remembered the vlog and sat back down for a second.

  “Oh yeah, hope you guys learned from this episode. If nothing else, it was very exciting. To wrap things up, make sure you visualize, make a plan, and above all else have fun with it. Have a happy Holiday and see you next week.”

  THE END

  — — —

  Want to read more by L.A. Johnson?

  Neon Octopus Overlord Series Book 1: Destroyer of Planets

  Enter a galaxy full of snarky comebacks, inappropriate use of tentacles, and a mythical warrior girl on the edge in this fast-paced, Douglas Adams style space romp.

  A life of captivity is getting to Kirian, the self-styled Destroyer of Planets. She has never actually destroyed any planets, but getting to choose your own title is one of the few perks you get when you work against your will for an evil Octopus Overlord.

  In an attempt to regain her freedom, Kirian defies her tentacled boss and secretly saves Ari, the human she is supposed to kill. Can the two of them and a band of misfits join forces to thwart the Octopus Overlord? And can a revolutionary rock song from an illegal grunge band save a planet?

  Grab the complete Neon Octopus Overlord trilogy!

  Destroyer of Planets https://www.amazon.com/Destroyer-Planets-Book-Octopus-Overlord-ebook/dp/B074KZGMKF

  Whisperer to Stars https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B074MFWYF2

  Ruler of Galaxies https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B076PNLSGL

  About the Author

  L.A. Johnson lives in beautiful Colorado with her husband, three kids, and three dogs. She writes fun, original Sci-Fi you won't find anywhere else.

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